Friday, February 6, 2009

Rainy Weekend

My 250th post! That's kind of a milestone! But I won't bore you with 250 things about me, even if I could think of that many. Instead, an update of sorts.

This morning, after getting the kids off to school, Conor and I drove Adam to the airport. He is flying to Utah for his brother's wedding tomorrow. I would love to have gone with him, but the timing made it impossible. I wish Tony and Natalie all the best, though. Tony's life is an inspiration to me, coming back from the deepest, darkest abyss, into the light, where he now gets to be sealed for all eternity to his love. A true second chance, and a beautiful portrayal of the purpose of life. Learn what you've got to learn, and then move forward. I love that guy, and I can't wait to get to know my new sister-in-law.

The timing is unfortunate because I am scheduled to appear in court (in Arizona) with my ex-husband on Tuesday. This has been a very long, drawn-out process, initiated by him back in September, that I know he was hoping would be resolved by now, and I certainly was as well. Upcoming life changes for him have led him to need or want different circumstances as far as visitation and child support go, and we are unable to reach a compromise. That is a very, very kind way to describe what is going on, but those are the only details I'll share here. I am very saddened by the continual animosity I feel from a man I once loved so deeply. For some reason, I continue to believe the best in him, because that's how I knew him, but in doing so I set myself up for deep betrayal and hurt when he displays otherwise to me. He will stop at nothing, and holds nothing sacred, in the pursuit of getting what he wants. I am trying to go forward in faith, but as the date looms closer and closer, I am nervous and even fearful about the outcome. To travel out of state, I have to make significant arrangements for my three older kids who will stay home, and consider the cost of travel, missed work, and missed school. I am missing my final exam, which I have to make up, as well as a class period of work on our final project with my group, which is costing me several points from my final grade for the class. An unavoidable casualty. We'll get on the road on Monday morning and drive the 10 hours to Show Low, appear in court on Tuesday, and then drive home on Wednesday. I'll be anxious for the drive home, to have this all behind us, and to hopefully move forward in more of a spirit of cooperation. Until then, I must use every spare second I have this weekend to prepare, and to get an enormous amount of homework done. If anyone wants to offer a prayer that the judge will have clear and righteous discernment, and that a positive solution may be reached, and that I might have the ability to think and act with wisdom and prudence as I argue my case, I would surely appreciate that. Oh, and a calm heart would be really nice too.

It's hard to focus on something contentious in this, the month of love. This weekend the kids and I will have our Valentine's Workshop, as we do every year. Thank goodness for Family Fun magazine with their brilliant and easy ideas, cool enough even for a teenage boy. Pictures of that to come.

It's been raining for more than a day, and will continue all weekend. I love it. It makes me somewhat melancholy, a little introspective and nostalgic, but I like that. I shed a few cleansing tears, release some stress,

and remember that just behind the rain clouds, is the sun.

Ah, the sun.

11 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

Oh, hon. You'll be on my mind and in my prayers, especially on Tuesday.

Hannah said...

I'm praying for you Jenna. I love you. Just keep looking for the sun.

Tina said...

Jenna, I think we need to "do lunch" sometime. As someone that knows the pain and turbulence you feel, my heart aches for you. A few trite things that have helped me get through the rough parts "this too shall pass," "it can only get better," and "it all comes out in the wash!"

My thoughts will be with you on Tuesday!

Misty said...

well Jenna... I will be thinking about you as you make it through this weekend without your husband, and with anxiety over what next week holds. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Josi said...

Oh boy, hugs and prayers are with you. Gooooooood luck.

Rachel said...

I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I hope everything goes well for you.

Sarah said...

We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers as well! We love you, Jenna! You deserve nothing but the best!

Scribbit said...

Wow, I'll be thinking of you--my husband's mission president was from Show Low. How I hope it all comes out in your favor.

Luisa Perkins said...

As always, you're in my prayers. How frustrating, to say the least.

I just read an amazing book that might 'click' for you in this particular situation: The Gethsemane Map, by Cynthia Ann Hunt. It gave me a new, fresh perspective on relationships. LOVE IT.

Amanda Noelle said...

I hope with all my heart that the outcome of this all is fair and just for you Jenna. I know it will be. I will keep you in my thoughts. I love you.

Anonymous said...

One more thought. The only theme in family court is: "What is in the best interest of the children?" Keep asking that. That is why I said for the judge to talk to the children. They are part of this process and deserve to be heard. This is not just between you and your ex-husband.