Friday, January 16, 2009

Mama Mia!

It took me three days, but I finally finished watching Mama Mia! last night. It didn't take me so long because I didn't enjoy the movie (though I'm quite sure it was more fun on stage than on the screen), but because by the time I crawl into bed with hopes of relaxing with a movie I'm so doggone tired that I just can't keep my eyes opened. And I'm aware of how I'll feel in the morning if I try.

The one scene with Donna and Sophie before the wedding about killed me.

You know the one, where Sophie comes and asks her mom if she'll help her get ready for her big day, instead of having her friends with her.

And then the music starts. Time slipping through my fingers. The music montage that will slay any mother with a heart. The last moments they spend together as just mother and daughter, before the husband enters and her heart divides. Donna brushes her hair. Blow dries her hair. She sits her big grown up daughter on her lap and paints her toenails for her (that did me in!), they look at old photos. They curl up together. They laugh.


And all the while, the mother looks at her daughter, now a grown woman, marveling at how the time has gone by.


I was weeping. I couldn't stand it anymore. (heck, I'm weeping now, just reliving it!)

I crept into Lyndsay's room to hold her. My arms ached for her. Her room was dark, but her bed was empty. I tried to get my eyes adjusted, when I heard,

"Mommy?"

Down on the floor.

She was kneeling in prayer.

I knelt down beside her and wrapped my arms around her and said, "I just had to tell you how much I love you."

"Oh, Mommy, I love you too," she whispered back. And then she felt my shudder. The tears I was trying to hold at bay.

"Mommy? Are you okay?"

"I just don't want you to grow up," I sniffled. "I was watching this movie with a mother and daughter and the daughter is getting married and moving away and it just made me so sad."

"Oh, Mommy, I don't want to grow up either. I don't ever want to leave you. You're the best Mom I could ever have. I could never live without you."

"I wish you were still just a little girl," I said through my tears. "It's all happening so fast."

We just sat there in the dark, on her floor, holding each other, me crying.

It's not fair how fast the time slips through my fingers.

"It's funny," she whispered to me, her arms still wrapped around me, "I was just praying and telling Heavenly Father how thankful I am for you, and then you walked in."

My Lyns.

How excited I am to watch your life unfold. How I struggle with the parts that will unfold without me as a witness. How I hope that my memory holds fast every second I've ever had with you.


How honored I am to be your mother.

How I wish time would slow down.

15 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

That scene about did me in too. Now you've got me totally bawling. I've got three girls. It's already killing me to see them get older.

Kelli and Zac said...

now you have me in tears. I remember that part of the movie so much. I actually just watched it the other night and I seem to cry every time at that part. Of course mine is for different reasons that I am sure you know. I can only imagine how hard it would be to see your daughter growing up and knowing that day is coming. I can only imagine how my own mother felt knowing she will miss out on that. Anyways, you are a wonderful mother and I miss you..

Josi said...

Gosh, will you stop making me cry already! Sheesh.

templework said...

...and there are those who don't believe the Spirit can touch you through the internet

reaching for a tissue

((HUGS))

Thank you for being YOU!
(and sharing!)

Luisa Perkins said...

Well, thanks for spreading the tears!

Seriously: how wonderful.

wonder woman said...

tears here, too. I just won this in a giveaway and am so excited to see it. It makes me want a daughter more than ever.

Queenmemory said...

I watched that movie 6 times because it would put me in a happy place. My mother had just passed away and I would have positive memories of her. Now after reading this it makes me miss my 17 year old.

Chiapelli Family said...

Ok I am crying. I love my Kira so much too and she is only 4!! I know I need to hold on as much as possible.

Piper said...

I'm BAWLING.

BAWLING

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Oh wow...this really got to me!!! (My girls are 6 and 3.) I saw Piper had Twittered about this and clicked over.

I know exactly how you feel.

Beautiful words.

p.s. you and your daughter are just lovely!

Momo Fali said...

Well, there goes my eye makeup!

Anonymous said...

Well, I can relate to some of what you are feeling and going through. But, I've always thought a major purpose of parenthood is to help your children grow-up and move out to live their own lives and have their own family. I love my children but get them out-of-the nest is my goal and let me read their blog. What you are describing sounds painful. Guess I'll have to see the movie.

Jenna Consolo said...

Dear Anonymous,

Please don't misunderstand. I agree with you that a major goal is to prepare my children to live lives apart from mine, and to flourish on their own as productive, capable human beings. I hope I'm doing that! I plan to ship them off to college and missions, and LIFE, and I do not plan to have them live with me forever. It's just that a part of my heart is not anxious for the day when they live apart from me, because it will mean their sweet childhoods are over, and that part of my life will be complete. Mothering will move to a new and different level.

I just love my kids, and I'm not anxious for them to be gone, is all. But, once they are, I know I will beam with pride at the lives they create for themselves.

It's a strange kind of painful. Maybe unique to mothers.

Anonymous said...

My prayers will also be with you. I had a similar situation when my two children were 10 & 12. I asked the judge to talk to the children in private. After that I got everything I wanted. Your children are your best witnesses.

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