Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Clincher

Embarrassing moment #3:
Do you know how big a 32" television screen is? We'll get back to that.

This time the year is 1995. My husband and I have taken a trip from Arizona, where we live, to New Jersey, where we're both from, along with our new baby girl to meet our families for the first time. My husband's family is in the process of moving to AZ to be closer to us, but only his mother is there so far. She is house-sitting for us, and has given us strict instructions to take lots of pictures and video of her hubby and home, because she's lonely already.

We split the time we're visiting between my family and his. But now, we're staying with his dad, the three of us comfortably set up in the guest bedroom. It's early morning and the baby is still sleeping. I leave to take a shower. My husband decides to do some videotaping of the house and backyard for his mom. I walk back into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel and stop at the foot of the bed. He is standing at the window, taping the view of the backyard. I drop my towel to begin dressing.

This is my fatal flaw, people. Right at this very moment.

At that very second, and with me completely unaware, my husband whips around with the camera and zooms in on one particular part of my anatomy and begins catcalling. ha. ha. ha.

"Give me the camera!" I squeal, as I lunge at him still naked. He laughs. "You can't put that on there! Good grief!"

I switched the camera to 'VCR' mode and rewound the footage. Yo baby. Not cool. "Tape over it, and quickly!"

Okay, safe. Whew. Scold the husband, get a good laugh at my expense, and proceed with the taping...and dressing...separately.

Fast forward to back at home in Arizona: "Hi, Mom! We missed you too! Thanks for watching our house! Yes, lots of footage. Let's watch." We all sit down on the couch together and pop the tape into the VCR, my husband, me, and my mother-in-law. Good times.

Ah, yes, there's dad. Waving. Oh, and there's the garden. Yes, the shed! Look how green the yard is! The deck! Love that deck. Jenna's naked crotch. The livingroom. Oh, the piano! ....

I froze. Dear God, please say she blinked. Amen.

A quick glance to my husband, who is also frozen. Maybe she blinked. And then...

"Wait, did I just see what I thought I saw?"

How come you've answered every other prayer???

Yep, that's right, folks. Apparently, there was a little overlap of the tape when it was switched from 'VCR' mode back to 'record' mode. My mother-in-law saw the fullness of my femininity right there on the TV screen in my livingroom. 32" of it, to be exact. More of it than I've seen, and this was before Brazilians became trendy, lemme tell ya.

The only thing worse was her getting on the phone to share the "funny thing" with the rest of the family. The only thing worse than that was the next family get-together.

Ha. Ha. You're all a bunch of comedians.

Never trust your nakedness within 1 mile of your husband with a videocamera. Never! And now you know it all!

26 comments:

Kimberly said...

Jen-naaaaa! That's horrible!

I hope to never, ever, ever top that!

Hannah said...

Awww Poor Poor Jenna!!



I don't know what I would do. I just might have actually died. Yep. Actually.

BusyDad said...

Is it ok for me to laugh, or are we not close enough friends yet? ... and I must be a total nerd because as I was reading that I thought "oh I hope she rewound it a good 2 seconds prior to that scene to catch the tape lurching."

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

awh jenna!

you totally had me laughing hard out loud here! thank you for the laugh. i really needed a laugh. but i am so sorry that this was the outcome of this event.

to make you feel better, i know, not the same thing, but on my first day of either 7th or 8th grade, i was carring lots of books ... and you remember those wrap-around skirts? it totally fell completely off of my down by my feet. yep, my first day of school around youth while i am a youth and i am standing there with my nylons and undies. i was mortified. but, now as an adult, it is one of my favorite embarrassing moments.

beat him! you can borrow my stuffed bear anytime to smack adam around. kathleen

Sue said...

Oh my goodness. You have a much better set of in-laws than I do. Hahahaha.

Kimmylyn said...

I would have D.I.E.D!! Oh my goodness.. I know how embarassing that must have been for you, but they way you told it made me laugh out loud..LOL

Moody said...

OH. My. Gosh. I laughed my fanny off! I'm sure you were mortified, but good for you for having a sense of humor about it. And thanks for the warning about husband's and video cameras. Are you sure a mile is far enough away? They may have a telescopic lens or something!

Sarah said...

All 3 of these were great, Jenna! (Mostly because they didn't happen to me.) I honestly don't think I could even compete with any of these! None of them killed you though. No wonder you are such a strong person today!!

Summer said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momo Fali said...

Oh! I'm crying here! Please tell me you have more embarrassing moments! Please!

Mom2My6Kids said...

Jenna, I didn't laugh. I'm too embarrassed for you to laugh. I did gasp out of shock though. I'm so sorry. That is a very good story! If I'm figuring correctly though, those are your ex-in-law's right? Not that it changes anything. You're a good sport. And you really are the best story teller ever.

Jenna Consolo said...

Momo fali--You're so kind! I'm glad you're getting a kick out of my embarrassing moments. Those are the biggies that stick out in my mind, but I'll keep my mind open and if I remember anything else, I'll be sure to post it, and then send you a private email so you can get in on the fun. :)

Mom2my6kids--You can laugh, it's okay. I crack up at them too. I appreciate the compliments on my storytelling. And yes, these were my ex-inlaws.

busydad--Of course you can laugh! But where were you back then to teach me the 2 second rule???!!! I could have really used that info!

Thanks for being so loyal, dear readers! You like me anyway!

YogaNana said...

Just for the record, your mother thinks it's funny.

But, you know, after you've given birth a few times in front of a lot of people you don't really know all that well ... what the hey.

Holly said...

Ok, I should not have been drinking at the same time I read this!! Too funny. I'm still snickering. (With you, not at you!!)

Gretchen said...

Wow, that was one of the greatest embarrassing stories I've heard in a long time. Yikes!

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

jenna,
you have inspired me lately. i am just ITCHING to write an embarrassing moments post again.

so enjoyed this one girl, kathleen

Laurie M. said...

Wow! I don't even know what to say because I can't stop laughing. And it's only funny because it didn't happen to me!

Holly Homemaker said...

I'm so glad I can't compete with you on embarrassing moments. If that had happened to me, I STILL don't think I would be laughing about it!

Tara R. said...

I think you've won the ALL-TIME best prize with that one... I guess you can be grateful it was only your MIL and not FIL that saw this revealing footage.

LaskiGal said...

Oh boy . . . I think you just lived my nightmare. I'm sooooo sorrrrrry. Ugh. Did you forgive? Consider grabbing that video camera the next time he hops in the shower :)

At least it wasn't in HDTV--right?

Amanda said...

Hi! I just stopped by from LDSBloggers and this story of yours has me LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF! I couldn't imagine! Thanks for the story.

Kelly said...

Hi I just stumbled in and stayed for awhile. Um, you are funny. Love your stories.

I once inadvertantly tried on new panties in front of all the 16 year old boys from Church. Within a week two of their older brothers called to ask me out. Nice.

Come visit me sometime at diversifiedbeeson.blogspot.com

Jenna said...

That is absolutely THE BEST embarrassing moment ever. EVER!

You win the grand prize. Awesome.

Candace E. Salima said...

Oh my gosh, that is SO funny! I'm sorry you had to go through that . . . but I'm busting a gut here.

I pray that NEVER happens to me!

Angela said...

I was totally laughing out loud.. that is something my husband would love to do but wouldn't dare.. but he would be focusing on another part of my anatomy! Good times!

I was entertained by all your embarassing moments. I may have to post mine as well.. I can only think of a couple..and 1 can definetly compete with this one!

Stay tuned!

Julie Wright said...

I am sorry to laugh at your expense, but that is Hi.lar.i.ous!
yeah you beat out all my most embarrassing moments.