Monday, June 25, 2007

Dabit Deus his quoque finem

(~To these things too God will grant an end)

This is the hardest time of the year for me. My three oldest children leave each summer to spend six long weeks with their father in another state. Yesterday was Send Off Day. What a heart-breaker.
On a positive note, I made sure to really soak up each moment with them in the weeks leading up to their departure. I had Mother/Son dates with each of my boys, and my daughter and I planned a birthday bash to celebrate her 13th birthday, which will actually occur while she's with her dad. Over the last few weeks, especially, we had long talks, played games, studied scriptures, hugged and kissed, and had some tears. All dental work is now completed, doctor visits are done, the kids each had play dates and end-of-school activities, and Dylan was presented with his Faith in God award yesterday in church. We had meaningful family time and I held each one for a long hug yesterday to memorize the feel of their bodies and their unique smell. I wanted to imprint them even more vividly upon my heart. I gave them each specific "mom" advice, that included "don't do anything you'll regret later", "don't just brush, but floss", and "say your prayers". Since I don't feel entirely comfortable with the environment that they will be in over the summer, this last piece of advice is so important.

They pulled out of the driveway at 6pm last night. I had tears as I watched the car drive away. Being divorced really sucks. Why exactly is it that because he decided to run off with someone, I now have to miss 25% of my children's lives??? It is a killer. Fortunately, they are great kids. We are all resilient, and doing the best we can. I have great faith that my words and my love will echo in their minds while they are away, and they will be protected. But, I miss them. The house is quiet, and clean. Their beds didn't get slept in last night, and I only had to make breakfast for two. Now, I will throw myself into projects to pass the time, and make use of the time. Here are some ideas:
1. Work in the yard/garden
2. Start work on Adam's surprise scrapbook for Christmas
3. Start work on Mommy and Me quilts for kids for Christmas
4. Make plans and field trip schedules for next homeschooling year
5. Finish several books. (I know which ones)
6. Write something. (I know what)
7. Work on new invention/product that Lyndsay and I came up with.
8. Sell a bunch of stuff on Ebay
9. Clean carport.
10. Be good to me.

I always have very lofty goals. We'll see how we end up, realizing that my biggest baby-helper is now gone. It could be that I simply spend the summer holding the baby, nursing the baby, reading to the baby, feeding the baby, rocking the baby, putting all the books back on the shelf for the umpteenth time, keeping the baby from crawling up the stairs, getting the baby out of the cupboards.... And that will be okay too.


Annette Lyon said...

From your description, "sucks" pretty much sums it up. So sorry! I was a wreck last summer when I had to be away from my kids for 12 days because of a trip (great trip, but still). Can't imagine how hard it would be to say good-bye for so long. What a great mom you are--I'm sure they'll pull through just fine because of all you've done for them that other 75% of the time.

Luisa Perkins said...

Jenna, you're such a fantastic mom. Your influence will travel with them and keep them safe from any lasting harm.

YogaNana said...